


Unwanted Gardens

by isolov



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emetophobia, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love, nothing extremely graphic but just in case!, sorry not sorry y'all, there wasn't a tag for it but yeah ushisaku is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:02:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24638023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isolov/pseuds/isolov
Summary: Atsumu has done and said some pretty stupid shit in his life. But out of all of the stupid shit he’s done in his life, messing with one Sakusa Kiyoomi was probably at the top.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi ( mentioned )
Comments: 3
Kudos: 101





	Unwanted Gardens

Atsumu has done and said some pretty stupid shit in his life. Osamu says it’s a side effect of the bleach he used to dye his hair, saying that it fried what few brain cells he had left into oblivion. It was probably a fair assumption, given his track record. But out of all of the stupid shit he’s done in his life, messing with one Sakusa Kiyoomi was probably at the top.

They met officially in their second year of high school at the Youth Training Camp, though they’ve heard of each other before then. I mean, Sakusa’s name was well known in the volleyball circuit by that time, being one of the top 3 high school aces in the country and only being a 2nd year no less. If Atsumu was being brave, he would say he was proud to be in the same generation as all these freakishly good volleyball players ( and he did say it, often ).

In Atsumu’s plan to get closer to the ace, whether it be just to tease him or perhaps to actually befriend him in some capacity, he failed to consider the most important part; Sakusa Kiyoomi was  _ not _ a people person. Atsumu’s completely unprepared for seeing Sakusa in a mask as soon as practice was over, and he thinks it’s a shame Sakusa would hide his pretty face under a mask.

“Nice game ya played out there. How’d you get yer wrist that loose?” In hindsight, that wasn’t the best opening line he could’ve delivered. Sakusa recoils from it almost instantly, tilting his head back slightly and scrunching up his nose at the setter’s close contact.

“I’m double jointed. Have you heard of personal space?”

Ooh a feisty one! Atsumu’s grin widens as he steps back, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. “Just a question! C’mon we’re in the same year, ya don’t gotta be so uptight ‘round me.”

It turns out that Sakusa was just like that with everybody, save for his seniors and his cousin. He actually finds it sort of hilarious how Komori was Sakusa’s damage control, though he couldn’t say much in that manner as Kita was more or less his too. But he found amusement in it anyways, especially when Sakusa was grilling that one setter from Karasuno. Atsumu sits at a nearby table when it’s all going down, trying and failing to hide his smile. It would’ve been funnier if Kageyama actually expressed some emotion over it all, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

“... How did you manage that? Did someone actually manage to stop Wakatoshi-kun?”

Atsumu stops at that, his chopsticks dangling in the air between his mouth and his tray. Wakatoshi? Ushijima Wakatoshi? It was only natural for Sakusa to know who that was, but to be on a  _ first name basis _ with him? There was a throb in his heart, strange considering he didn’t eat anything that would give him heartburn. He coughs a moment later, two short bursts to clear whatever may be stuck in his throat. When he later locks eyes with Sakusa, he has the urge to clear his throat again.

_________________________________

“Y’know ‘m impressed Sakusa didn’t punch ya for talkin’ so much.” Osamu replies when Atsumu later recounts his experiences at the training camp. He doesn’t skip any detail, though in his ramble he must’ve said something good because when he finally pays attention again, Osamu’s got an eyebrow raised.

“What?”

“You’ve talked pretty much nonstop bout Sakusa. You got a crush on him or somethin’?”

Atsumu’s eyes widen at that, but he scoffs a moment later. A crush on Sakusa? Pfft, yeah right! Though even he had to admit that Sakusa was handsome. Even if he only was a 2nd year, it was obvious how handsome he was. His hair was wonderfully curly and soft looking, he had a strong jawline and sharp eyes. Hell, Atsumu was surprised that Sakusa didn’t have a fanclub like he or some other players had. If Atsumu was being completely honest, Sakusa was the prettiest guy he knew.

“So ‘m takin’ that as a yes.”

Shit.

_________________________________

  
  


That was surprisingly the most that ever happened, at the time. Life was too hectic to really pursue anything else beyond playful banter or texts, and that chaos only increased in their 3rd year and beyond. But Atsumu liked to think Sakusa vaguely tolerated him now, and Atsumu was proud that he could call the ace “omi-omi” without facing a death sentence.

There was also the fact that Atsumu’s had a persistent cough since he meant Sakusa, but he didn’t think of it. It used to happen few and far between, and he usually only wrote it off as having a dry throat or allergies. Atsumu could ignore it for a while, that is, until he started playing volleyball professionally. Playing for the Black Jackals was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because he got to play on a national stage all the time now, and a curse because he was now on a team with his crush from high school for the foreseeable future. Seriously, having a crush on somebody for half of a decade and then seeing them damn near every day sucked.

It was also around then that the coughing slowly got more and more prominent. It got to the point that it took his breath away at times, like there was something stuck in his throat that he just couldn’t get out. But he took it all in stride and tried to not to let it hinder his performance too much. Which, turns out, was easier said than done.

It happens at a team lunch outing. Atsumu sits with Bokuto, Hinata, and Sakusa as he often does at these things, though his eyes always wander to the curly haired man. It was easy to hide his admiration of the way his curls framed the side of his face if he limited it to quick glances, a method that’s worked for him so far. However today he notices that Sakusa stares at his phone longer than normal, and if Atsumu’s eyes were right, there was an undeniable light in his eyes that was rarer than any gem on Earth.

“Who’re ya textin’, your girlfriend?” Atsumu means for it to be a jab, but the mere thought of Sakusa being taken makes the blond lose his appetite.

Sakusa flicks his gaze upward, half surprised at someone talking directly at him and half annoyed that it was Atsumu. “No, I’m talking to Wakatoshi.”

Ah, that was somehow way worse. There’s a fluttering feeling in his throat, and Atsumu nods and excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He hacks the entire way there, getting a few stares from waiters and concerned patrons. He definitely didn’t eat anything bad, so he’s not entirely sure what caused the sudden wrench in his stomach. As he feels another violent cough rise in his throat, he makes it in time to heave into an empty stall’s toilet.

He does not expect to see petals floating in the water.

_________________________________

“I’m sure you’re aware of what Hanahaki Disease is? You’ve had it for quite some time now, though something triggered it into the severity you are experiencing now. This isn’t the worst case I’ve seen so far, but it isn’t ideal either. I’m sure you know that there are only a few options for how to treat this.”

Well, this royally fucking sucked. Atsumu guessed this was karma for being such an ass for all these years, but even this seemed a little unfair. So Sakusa didn’t and never has loved him, and most likely never will. Yeah there was a chance that Sakusa might learn to love him back one day, but…

_ “... How did you manage that? Did someone actually manage to stop Wakatoshi-kun?” _

_ “No, I’m talking to Wakatoshi.” _

He chokes on the petals right there in the doctor’s office.

_________________________________

It’s from there that things go downhill. His condition slowly begins to deteriorate and it gets harder to hide it from the team. It’s by the grace of some higher power that it gets worse in the off season, that at least gave him time to think about where to go from here. As much as his heart ached for Sakusa and to be in his arms, Atsumu also didn’t feel like dying over some puppy crush. But some sick part of him wanted to believe there was still a chance at winning Sakusa’s heart. Even if Atsumu started to see pictures and headlines of the two former aces hanging out more and more in magazines.

It’s when they’re ironically out doing a team building exercise that Atsumu’s condition became apparent to others. Osamu knew of course, but he’s the only one Atsumu would ever tell willingly. But like all things, one could only hide secrets for so long. Figures that it all comes down to a stupid game of Truth or Dare.

Half of the team barely wanted to play to begin with, but no one could say no to Bokuto or Hinata so here they were. Luckily it wasn’t as crazy as Truth or Dare often got in high school considering a lot of their players were mature adults, though Atsumu, Bokuto, and Hinata evened that out. However, Atsumu wished he skipped on this whole even when Hinata asks the ever innocent truth, “Do you have a crush on anyone, ‘Sumu-san?”

At this point at the night no one was really paying attention anymore besides them and Sakusa, but Atsumu felt like a hundred sets of eyes were on him in not a good way. Maybe he’s imagining it, but he thinks he catches Sakusa looking at him curiously.

“Sure I do! I ain’t tellin’ ya though.” Atsumu’s proud of himself for seeming so casual about it, though a part of him hated putting himself out there like that.

“Aww really? Fine, what about you Sakusa-san?” Ah, here we go. While Atsumu is glad Hinata didn’t pursue his answer anymore, he couldn’t say he was looking forward to Sakusa’s answer.

Atsumu looks at the former ace with perhaps obvious curiosity and desperate hope, dearly wishing that the truth he knew wasn’t real. Sakusa pushes his curls out of his face, and his gaze floats between them all before delivering the final blow.

“Used to have a crush on Wakatoshi, but I’m dating him now so that seems pointless.”

So there it was. The flowers growing in the faux blonde’s lungs revolt against the information almost immediately, and they steal the air from the spaces between them. He slips away into the bathroom quietly as the team showers Sakusa with questions, and the noise of them and the running water drowns out Atsumu choking on blooming flowers.

A few minutes later and there’s a handful of bloody flowers swirling in the sink’s water, a small bouquet from the unwanted garden growing in his ribcage. Atsumu stares at himself in the mirror, eyes as dead as he’s ever seen them. What a fucking bummer.

When he sways out of the bathroom and back into the living room, it’s in some cruel twist of fate that Sakusa notices his condition first.

“Are you okay? You better not be getting sick.”

“Hah, don’t worry Omi, ‘m perfectly fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> left the ending kinda open, so feel free to draw your own conclusions! sorry atsumu, but the ushisaku agenda is too strong. anyways I came up with this when I was looking through a writing prompt book and coming across one titled "dying young" so... yeah ghfyhftg. also I hope my atsumu is ok??? I don't actually like him that much so I'm worried how well I think I write him lol. hoping y'all are staying healthy and happy, and I hope you enjoyed this <33


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